


M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die? [+podfic]

by picascribit



Series: Madeleine Yaxley Arc [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Bad Fic, Bechdel Test Pass, Characters Writing Fanfic, Deliberate Badfic, Footnotes, Gen, Humor, Marauders' Era, Mary Sue, Meta, Metafiction, POV Female Character, POV Original Character, Parody, Podfic, Podfic Length: 1-1.5 Hours, Sorting Ceremony, Writing Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-19
Updated: 2007-02-01
Packaged: 2017-12-23 12:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/picascribit/pseuds/picascribit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1976: There's a new girl at Hogwarts. She's perfect. She's beautiful. She has curves in all the right places. Everyone loves her. Everyone except Madeleine and Maggie, that is. With many enlightening footnotes concerning how not to write fanfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fangirls

**Author's Note:**

> If this story tickles your funny bone, I recommend checking out _How Not to Write a Novel_ by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman.
> 
> Hover over chatspeak and footnotes for translations or more information.
> 
> Edited April 2014
> 
>  **Podfic:**  
>  **Chapters:** 4  
>  **Duration:** 1 hr, 15 min  
>  **Size:** 69 MB  
>  **Download:** [.zip file of mp3s @ Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/2nmx0kdto0bt1bq/M.A.R.Y.S.U.E.%20Must%20Die%3F.zip)  
>  (April 2014 edited version)

If it had not been for the passion they shared, Maggie Lewis and Madeleine Yaxley would probably not have been friends. Maggie was only a lowly third year. Madeleine regarded the girl and her giggly Ravenclaw friends as little more than children, while she saw herself, at 16, as a sophisticated young woman. She never gave Maggie a second thought until one day towards the end of the school year. 

It was a warm and sunny afternoon in early April. The school had emptied for the Easter holiday, but a few students, including Madeleine, had opted to stay at Hogwarts over the break. Madeleine's mother was off touring Morocco with her latest paramour, and Madeleine could not see the sense in packing up all her things just to go home and spend the holiday by herself. So it happened that on that fateful afternoon, she was lounging by the lake, her cloak spread out on the grass beneath her, turning the pages of a book. 

So engrossed was she in her reading that she might not have noticed the other girl if her shadow had not fallen across the page. 

Madeleine looked up, annoyed. "What do _you_ want?" 

The auburn-haired girl did not take the hint, but instead flopped down on the grass beside her. "Is that the new Freya Lovelace?" she asked. 

A blush stained Madeleine's cheeks, and she quickly turned the book face down. "No." 

"It is, isn't it?" Maggie seemed utterly delighted by her discovery. "May I see it? I haven't read it yet." 

Reluctantly, Madeleine handed the book over. The cover showed a woman in a pink shirt and blue denim trousers swooning in the embrace of a shirtless, muscular man wearing a tool belt, as they sprawled across the bonnet of an automobile. Madeleine's blush deepened. 

Maggie chattered away happily. "None of my friends read these," she said. "I can't believe _you_ do! I mean, they're about Muggles, and you're --" Maggie broke off suddenly, and it was her turn to blush. 

"They're just stories," Madeleine said tartly. "It's not as if they're _real_ Muggles." 

Maggie raised her eyebrows. "I bet your parents don't feel that way." 

Madeleine sighed, resigning herself to conversation. "I'm not allowed to read them at home. What about your parents?" 

Maggie rolled her eyes. "My mum read one. _Electric Nights_ , I think. She said it was silly but probably harmless." 

"They're not silly," retorted Madeleine. "She's a really good writer. She's a pure-blood, but she knows all about Muggles." 

Maggie nodded. "I heard that she spent a year living as a Muggle, for research. Do you think it's true?"(1) 

Madeleine shrugged. "I don't know. It sounds horrible. Have you read her first series? The 'Sphinx's Riddle' books? There's not a single Muggle in them, and they're brilliant.(2) Those were the first ones I read. I wish she'd get back to writing _proper_ characters again." 

"There's nothing wrong with Muggles," Maggie frowned. "They're just people who can't do magic. It's not their fault." 

"They're annoying." Madeleine wrinkled her nose. "They're everywhere, and we have to keep our magic secret from them. It’s not fair. Why do you care about them?" 

Maggie lowered her eyes. "My grandfather was Muggleborn. He was a good man and a good wizard. I'm not ashamed of him." 

"Sorry if I offended you,” said Madeleine, though she didn't sound it.(3) 

"If you hate Muggles, why are you reading this?" Maggie asked, flipping pages to avoid meeting the other girl's eyes for a few moments. 

Madeleine made a face. "I really like her writing. It's hard to find anyone else who writes half as well."(4) 

"Not to mention her love scenes are always really steamy," Maggie teased with a sly grin. 

Madeleine tilted her head in acknowledgement. "There's that. But they're not very realistic. Sex is a lot -- stickier than it is in her books." 

Maggie's head snapped up and her eyes went round. "Louisa said you'd -- but I wasn't sure if it was true." 

Madeleine shrugged. "Once or twice," she said, as if she considered sex no big deal. 

"Who was it with?" Maggie asked in a hushed voice. 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Madeleine almost smiled. She enjoyed the younger girl's awe. "I bet you've thought about it at least. I heard about the love potion fiasco, when you almost poisoned Lupin." 

Maggie blushed. "I just really like him. He doesn't even know I'm alive, though," she sighed, turning back to the book in her hands. "Sometimes I wish I was more like the girls in these. They always get the tasty blokes." 

"I know one thing you could try," said Madeleine. 

Maggie looked puzzled. "What's that?" 

"Write your own. Then you could get whatever boy you wanted. And do whatever you wanted with him," she added wickedly. 

Maggie stared thoughtfully at the book's shiny cover. "Maybe. But I'd hardly know what to write. I mean, for -- you know -- love scenes and the rest." 

"Oh, that's no trouble," Madeleine assured her. "I can tell you anything you want to know." 

Maggie still looked sceptical. "You really think you could do a better love scene than Freya Lovelace?" 

"Why not?" said Madeleine airily. "I know I could out-write _you_ any day." 

And so a kind of friendship began, in spite of their differences. Over the next fortnight, the girls shared ideas, stories, and not a few giggles. Warm days found them down by the lake, reading aloud to one another from the previous night's efforts, and occasionally rolling on the grass in helpless mirth. All the "what ifs" of their favourite books, which each had long pondered privately, became pages and pages of feverish scrawl upon parchment which well-meaning parents had intended for classroom notes and essays. Under the loving and imaginative guidance of Maggie and Madeleine, relatively minor characters took on lives of their own, and the leading men and women made choices that would have caused even Freya Lovelace to blush. They also wrote new characters, with their own features and mannerisms, to interact with the characters on the page, and made the bold young heroes fall in love with them.(5) 

The other students returned, lessons resumed, and Madeleine might have chosen to pretend that the Ravenclaw girl was beneath her notice once more, but Maggie would not let her. She pestered Madeleine with questions and slipped notes to her containing new plot ideas, until the Slytherin girl gave in. Madeleine was brimming with ideas of her own, and there was no one else with whom she could share them. None of her Housemates would ever have understood. 

When summer came, the girls exchanged addresses before parting at King's Cross Station. They exhausted their owls, sending pages of notes and stories back and forth almost daily, and Maggie spent half of the month of August with Madeleine and her mother while her own parents were away on holiday. 

Maggie was convinced that their friendship would last forever, and Madeleine was beginning to learn that there might be more to life than blood purity, Slytherin pride, and boys. Little did they know that something was headed towards Hogwarts which would sunder their newfound bond forever. 

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1\. Research is important to any good story. Inaccuracies in the text can take a reader right out of the story, and spoil the mood. When writing_ Harry Potter _fanfic, it's a good idea to keep the_ Harry Potter _Lexicon and Wiki open in your browser, to check details concerning timeline, spells, and character background._

_2\. Madeleine would prefer her stories to have no Muggles in them because she is prejudiced against Muggles. This is not just snobbish; it is bigoted. As you're writing your stories, think about representation. If most or all of your characters are white, straight, male, financially secure, cisgender, able bodied, and/or neurotypical, you can be doing a great disservice to your readers, few of whom possess all -- or very many -- of those traits. People like to see themselves when they read stories, especially people who are not used to seeing people like them represented in stories. Being unable to find characters who look like oneself or share important aspects of one's life can make one feel invisible and unimportant._

_3\. If any of your characters act racist, sexist, homophobic, or exhibit any other kind of prejudice, make sure other characters call them out on it. If you don't, at best your readers will think you condone such behaviour. At worst, they'll think it's an acceptable way to act. Conversely, if a member of an oppressed group calls you out for something in your story, be an adult about it. Listen to their criticism, try to understand why they are hurt, and apologise. You don't know everything there is to know about the experiences of different races, genders, sexualities, etc. A proper apology should include: saying you are sorry for hurting the person, explaining that you understand (or are trying to) why they are hurt, offering to change the hurtful thing in your story, and promising to try never to repeat the mistake. Getting defensive will not take away the person's hurt, and will make you look petty and unwilling to examine your own prejudices. Everyone has unconscious prejudices. Having them does not make you a bad person. It's a willingness to examine them and change one's thinking that makes a good person. Learn and grow. Even so, a hurt person might not accept your apology. They don't have to, and you can't make them. Don't get angry; just accept it and try to do better next time._

_4\. Writing style is as important as plot if you want to keep people reading. The better you get at character development and the basics of spelling, grammar, and punctuation, the more positive feedback you are likely to get. The best way to become a good writer is to stick to it! Use your computer's spellcheck, and find yourself a good beta reader if you can. There are lots of people in the_ Harry Potter _fandom willing to look over other people's stories. Choose someone whose work you enjoy, and whose writing style is clean and free of typos. Don't expect your first stories to be perfect, and don't be afraid to post them if they're not. Be open to constructive criticism from your readers, and willing to fix errors._

_5\. Authorial avatars, or self-insert characters (characters meant to resemble the author of the story) are a common feature of fanfic. There is nothing wrong with them, and they can be a lot of fun, but they can also mark your story as the work of a less experienced writer. If you are writing primarily for yourself and your friends, go wild. Rock that MarySue! But if you're hoping to gain a wide readership, it can be a good idea to reign in those impulses a little. Maggie Lewis is my self-insert character. Sort of._


	2. Marvola

Maggie and Madeleine managed to secure their own compartment aboard the Hogwarts Express on September first. It was not that their other friends disapproved of their friendship exactly; they just knew what it was like when the two girls got together. 

Louisa Chambers, Maggie's best friend, stopped by the compartment to say hello, but when Maggie invited her to stay, she shook her head. "All the two of you ever talk about is stories and characters and what if so-and-so did such-and-such with what's-her-name." 

It did not take Maggie long to get over her disappointment. 

"I love your attention to detail," she said as she scanned Madeleine's latest story. "One of the hardest things about writing Muggle characters is coming up with ways for them to do things without magic. I mean, they must have some way of, I don't know, lighting a fire without a wand, mustn't they?" 

Madeleine shrugged. "Did you get to the love scene yet? That's the good bit." 

Maggie's cheeks flamed crimson as her eyes scanned further down the parchment. For a moment, she read silently, eyes wide, lips parted in breathless wonder. 

At last, she looked up. "Is that really what it's like? I mean, have you really done all that stuff?" 

Madeleine gave an enigmatic half-smile. "It's possible." 

” _Wow_ ,” Maggie breathed. 

"But you see what I mean, don't you?" Madeleine pressed. "You can't just say 'and then they had sex' and call it a love scene. And you _cannot_ , by all that is pure and powerful, say 'they had adult relations'. That sounds ridiculous, like they were at a family reunion or something. You have to describe the body parts and what they're doing."(1) 

"Well, I don't know anything about it, do I?" Maggie replied tartly. 

Madeleine sighed in exasperation. "You know the basic mechanics, don't you? Just add in a few 'hards', 'hots', and 'wets', and try your best to avoid too many technical terms. Yes, can we help you?" 

Maggie had been so engrossed in Madeleine's lecture that she had not, until that moment, noticed the girl standing in the compartment door. 

She was tall and unbelievably slender, with curves in all the right places.(2) Her waist-length hair was pitch black, with streaks of purple and silver running through it, and her eyes sparkled a light violet colour, but changed to an enigmatic dark blue when Madeleine addressed her so abruptly. She wore a tight-fitting black top that said "Dark Princess" across it in real diamonds, and showed off her cleavage and her navel piercing perfectly. Her black leather skirt was short, showing off her long, fishnet-clad legs and knee-high black lace-up boots with four-inch heels.(3) 

She gave Madeleine a dazzling smile, showing off her perfect teeth and flashing a tongue piercing. "im mArVoLa!!!1!!2!" she said in an American accent. "i just transferred from CaLi ....... u no in AmErIcA?!!!?? im a GoThiC, but the kewl kind, not the kind who worship satan n sacrifice babies n stuff!!!!!(4) my father is LoRd VoDeMrOt!!!!! but my mother was half VeeLa n half eLF!!!(5) She went 2 AmErIcA b4 i was born 2 hide me from my father but she died when I was a kid n i was raised by MuGgLeS!!! i use 2 go 2 magik skool in AmErIcA but then i found out who my father was n i just had 2 cum here n meet him u no?!!!?? i just no that when he meets me his heart will melt with love n he will become good!!!!! so im starting 6th year at HoGwArTz even tho i can all ready do wandless magik n stuff ......."(6) 

"Who's 'Lord Vodemrot'?" Maggie asked, puzzled, but Marvola only ignored her. 

Instead, she turned to Madeleine and asked, "Who r u?" 

"im MaDeLeInE, but u can call me MaDz!!!!!" replied Madeleine, eyes wide and shining with excitement, an uncharacteristic grin plastered across her face. "omg r u really from CaLi?!!!?? i always wanted 2 go there!!!!!" 

"Maddy?" said Maggie, taken aback. "Are you feeling all right?" 

Madeleine cast her an annoyed look. "wut r u doing here?!!!??" She turned back to Marvola. "she is only a 4th year ......." 

"I didnt even notice her she is so little!!!!!" said Marvola, tossing her shimmering hair in irritation. "Do u want 2 listen 2 the nu evanescence album?!!!?? ive got it on my ipod!!!!!" 

"Shuuuuuur!!!" exclaimed Madeleine. 

"Um ... Maddy?" Maggie tried again. "I thought we were -- er -- going to do some writing?" 

"I HATE THAT MUGGLE CRAP!!!!!!!" Madeleine declared. "IT IS TEH SUXXOR!!!!!!!" 

At that moment, a group of boys walked past their compartment. Marvola's head jerked up and her eyes followed them down the corridor. 

"n-e-way," she said, "got 2 go!" 

As Marvola disappeared after the departing boys, Madeleine's knees buckled. She would have fallen if Maggie had not been there to catch her. 

"Wha -- what happened?" she asked shakily. 

"I don't know," Maggie replied. "It was as if you were under a mind-control spell." 

"But -- why didn't it affect you?" Madeleine asked. 

"I don't know," Maggie said again, staring thoughtfully down the corridor after the vanished Marvola. 

* * *

By the time they reached Hogwarts, Madeleine had almost recovered from her encounter, but Maggie kept an eye out to make sure that neither of them went anywhere near the new girl. Fortunately, it seemed Marvola was to ride across the lake with the first year students, since she was also new to Hogwarts. As Maggie steered Madeleine towards the waiting carriages, she saw the gamekeeper, a huge bearded man named Hagrid, catch sight of the new girl, and immediately try to comb through his wayward hair with his fingers, blushing rosily. 

Once inside the castle, the two girls quickly found seats in the Great Hall. As had become their custom the previous spring, they chose seats at their respective House tables that were almost back-to-back so that they could talk across the aisle. Maggie hoped that food would have a restorative effect on her friend. 

The Great Hall was always especially noisy for the start of term feast, and Maggie loved the bustle of it. She tried to pick out Remus Lupin's face from the crowd, and found him at last, sitting at the Gryffindor table with his friends, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. Remus looked as if he had been growing again over the summer, and Maggie wondered how tall he was now. She also wondered in quick succession if he had met a girl over the holidays, what it would be like to kiss him, whether he would take any more notice of her this year than he had the previous two, and whether sex was really as messy as Madeleine said it was. She blushed and turned away. 

A hush fell over the hall as the doors swung open and the new students entered, led by Professor McGonagall, who carried a three-legged stool and the Hogwarts Sorting Hat. This year, the eyes of the other students were not on the Hat, but on Marvola. The first years clustered around her, staring up at her with wide, admiring eyes, while she looked straight ahead, smiling confidently, eyes an enchanting shade of lilac. Maggie wondered idly how she could tell the exact shade of the girl's eyes from across the room. 

Marvola lit up the room like a candle, and seemed to float rather than walk. Her hips swayed invitingly, and all around the room, boys' hands twitched with the longing to give her arse a squeeze. She smiled wider, knowing the effect she was having on the room.(7) Maggie saw her eyes fall upon Remus. Marvola's lips parted to show the tip of her rosy pink tongue, and she swept her lashes down in a wink. Her eyes glowed the purple of bad prose. 

_Oh, no,_ thought Maggie. _Please, no._

Remus looked thunderstruck, and every male eye in the room narrowed in undisguised jealousy, including those of his friends, Potter and Pettigrew. Black, however, merely looked troubled.(8) 

Marvola continued to stare at Remus as Professor McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on the stool, just below the head table. A rip opened in the brim as the Hat began to sing its annual song, but hardly anyone was listening. 

  
_Oh, you may call me Old Hat, and say I'm past my prime,_   
_But I've seen things that you cannot imagine in my time._   
_I've seen the great ones come and go, then come again to teach._   
_I've seen love, and I've seen hate, and I've seen some with each._

_There've been some folks just like you who've put me on before._    
 _I know where students go; they don't surprise me anymore._    
 _Yet now I sense someone has come to put me to the test,_    
 _And I will have to try and choose the House that suits her best._

_She's smart as any Ravenclaw, as Gryffindor she's brave,_    
 _Her loyalty is Hufflepuff's, and Slytherin's might she craves._    
 _She's beautiful and powerful and wise beyond her years_    
 _And yet her tragic history would have you all in tears._

_I would ask her to put me on, but fear I won't look chic._    
 _I wouldn't want to muss her hair, all smooth and sleek._    
 _All who put me on must yield to the judgment of my voice,_    
 _And so I tell you, here and now, she must make her own choice._ (9)

As one, the occupants of the Great Hall gasped at this unusual decree, and then burst into applause, whistling and catcalling and beckoning Marvola to join them. 

Professor McGonagall gave them a quelling look, and they quieted at the sound of her voice. "Marvola Arwen Raevyn Yvette Salazara Umekiko Elfynchyld," she said, looking unimpressed.(10) "The Sorting Hat has given you the unprecedented right to choose your own House. Choose well, and choose quickly. Please." 

"omg i choose ... GrIfYnDoOr!!!!!!!" Marvola's voice rang like silver bells in the rafters of the Great Hall. "I feel a mysterious attraction 2 that house ......." She smiled at Remus again. 

Throughout the remainder of the Sorting, and the feast that followed, Maggie felt numb. She barely tasted her food. How would she ever get Remus to notice her, now that Marvola had set her sights on him? Maggie did not even have curves in the wrong places yet, let alone in the right ones. She was just a silly little girl. Marvola was practically a woman, and now she would go out with Remus, and probably kiss him and have sex with him and -- 

_No!_ thought Maggie fiercely. _I can't let that happen._

After the feast, Maggie did not follow the rest of the Ravenclaws back to their tower dormitory, but instead grabbed Madeleine by the arm and pulled her aside. 

"We have to stop her," she said firmly. 

Madeleine pursed her lips. "Why? Just because she has her eye on your bit of boy-crumpet? Forget it. Take my advice and keep as far away from that girl as possible. She's trouble." 

But Maggie would not let her concerns be so easily dismissed. When Remus and his friends exited the Great Hall with Marvola, Maggie dragged Madeleine along to eavesdrop on their conversation. 

"Not so close!" hissed Madeleine. "You know what happened last time." 

Maggie shook her head, whispering back, "I think she has to know you're there for it to work. She said she didn't notice me when we were on the train, and I stayed completely normal." 

They crept up to where the new girl was talking to the four Gryffindor boys. 

"i just no that when he meets me his heart will melt with love n he will become good!!!!!" she was saying. "so im starting 6th year at HoGwArTz even tho i can all ready do wandless magik n stuff ......." 

" _Wow!_ " breathed the boys. 

"So wut r ur names?!!!??" she asked. 

"im James Potter," said Potter. "n these r my friends, Siri Black, Remi Lupin, and --" 

"Its so kewl 2 meet the 3 uv u!!!!!" she cut him off, shaking hands with the boys who had been introduced. 

They looked startled, and Pettigrew's mouth hung open in bewilderment.(11) 

"I'm --" he tried to say, but the girl was already speaking again. 

"ur a WeReWoLf, rnt u?!!!??" she asked, still holding Remus's hand. 

"NO IM NOT!" cried Remus, glancing around desperately to see if anyone had overheard. "IM --" 

"Yes u r!!! I no u r!!!!!" said Marvola. "im part VeeLa n part eLf, so I will no my mate as soon as I find him!!!!! ur my mate!!!!! So I no u r a werewolf n because my mate is a werewolf I cant b turned in2 1 so its ok if u want 2 bite me!!! ;) ;) ;)" she said coyly.(12) "im also an animagus n my form is a pink n purple UnIcOrN!!!!! So I can go out with u at full moons!!!!!"(13) 

"I didn't think people could turn into _magical_ creatures," said Pettigrew, awed. 

"O James, dont b silly!!!!!" Marvola said with a sparkling laugh and a toss of her shimmering hair. "Its because im part VeeLa that I can turn in2 a UnIcOrN!!!!!" 

"You don't think any of that's true, do you?" Maggie whispered. "About Remus being a werewolf?" 

"No." Madeleine's lip curled scornfully. "She talks a lot of shite. Just listen to her!" 

"O.o !!!" Marvola went on. "I have a song 2 play 4 u, Remi!!!!! I just no its gonna b r song!!! Its called 'my immortal'!!!!! U r gonna love it!!!" 

She took out a small brightly-coloured rectangle, and began to fiddle with it. Her graceful brow furrowed, and she fiddled a bit more. "DAMMIT!!!!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH MY IPOD?!!!??!!" 

"What's an eye-pod?" whispered Madeleine. 

"I don't know," said Maggie. "I think it might be some sort of Muggle music device, in which case she'll never get it to work here. No Muggle devices do at Hogwarts. One of the Muggleborn girls in my dormitory brought something called an 'eight-track' with her, but she never could get it to work."(14) 

The group of Gryffindors was moving away from Maggie and Madeleine's hiding place. 

"im soooo happy I met u 3!!!" Marvola said again, taking Remus's hand in hers. They disappeared up the stairs, Pettigrew trailing despondently behind the others. 

"Oh, that is _not_ on!" declared Madeleine hotly. "How can she just ignore him like that? We have to stop her." 

Maggie shook off the image of Marvola's fingers entwined with Remus's. "For ignoring Pettigrew?" she said. "You changed your mind because of -- _oh_!" She stared at Madeleine with dawning realisation. "Peter Pettigrew? Really?" 

A rare blush rose to Madeleine's cheeks. "Just the one time." 

"But why do you care about that girl ignoring him? I thought there were lots of blokes who --" 

"Peter's different," Madeleine cut her off tersely. "He's the only one who didn't act like he was better than me, after. You're right; she has to die." 

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1\. Madeleine is absolutely right here. If you are too embarrassed to write about sex, or you're just not sure how to do so, then leave that part out of your story, or imply it without going into detail. A really steamy sex scene requires a surprising amount of knowledge and detailed description. Trying for steamy and missing doesn't just end up being less hot; it can end up sounding funny. Proceed with caution._

_2\. It is not possible to be both thin and curvy. Pick one or the other, or risk confusing your readers._

_3\. This much physical description is not necessary when one introduces a new character. Your readers do not care how hip your character is to the latest trends. If she is a pure-blood with a high degree of magical skill, she probably doesn't follow Muggle fashion, anyway. When she is on her way to Hogwarts, it's usually best to put her in school robes, unless there is a compelling reason not to._

_4\. Stereotyping people is a kind of prejudice. Don't do it._

_5\. It is almost never a good idea to make your character anything other than human, unless there is a compelling plot reason to do so. And I don't just mean genetically human, either. Your readers are more likely to identify with a character who is flawed in very human ways. Think about how much people like Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood._

_6\. Readability is very important if you hope to keep your readers from NOPEing straight out of your fic. Besides using spellcheck and a beta reader, there are a few things you should avoid. Do not use more than one exclamation point in a row (!!!). rAnDoM cApItAliSaTiOn is hard on the eyes, and a burden on your readers' patience. Reading fanfic should be a pleasure, not a chore. Do not use textspeak ("u" for "you", "2" for "to/too/two", etc.) or emoticons; while these abbreviations may be useful to save time, money, and valuable text message space when communicating with your friends, they have no place in a work of fiction, and can make a writer appear lazy._

_7\. Having a character be instantly loved, hated, or desired by all is not good writing. In the real world, we gain people's love or hatred over time, through our words and actions. Fanfic that reflects real life in this respect is almost always better than fanfic that does not. A character may be instantly desired by a person, but to be instantly desired by everyone is not realistic, considering the broad range of traits which different people find attractive._

_8\. Beware heteronormativity! In the real world, not everyone is straight. If all your male characters and none of your female characters desire your heroine, then you are contributing to the erasure of LGBTQIA characters. Try using words like "several" or "most" rather than "every"._

_9\. In a thousand years, no student has ever come along who could not be placed in a House by the Sorting Hat. Sometimes the Hat encounters people who value the traits of more than one House, such as Hermione, with her Ravenclaw studiousness, or Sirius, with his Hufflepuff loyalty, but the Hat still manages to choose, and sometimes mixes things up to keep them interesting. Don't put your character in more than one House, or make up a House just for her, or allow her to choose her House, unless there is a compelling reason to do so._

_10\. When naming your character, don't go overboard. Your readers are not going to be able to remember a long, complicated name, even if you think it sounds really cool. J. K. Rowling has set a good example by using names which are either ordinary (Harry, Ron, James, Lily, Peter) or legendary/classical (Minerva, Remus, Sirius, Albus). First, middle, and last is usually an adequate number of names. Also beware randomly assigning your characters names from other cultures (Japanese, Indian, Native American, etc.) if your character is not of that ethnicity. Doing so, or having your character wear the clothing of another culture because it "looks cool", is called cultural appropriation, and is a form of racism._

_11\. If you're writing a Marauders story, remember to write all the Marauders. Peter may have been a coward, and done some terrible things as an adult, but there is no reason to write teenage!Peter as anything less than a friend to James, Sirius, and Remus. Peter's betrayal of his friends is meaningless if he was not a true friend to them at one time. James trusted him enough to make him his Secret-Keeper, to protect not only himself, but his wife and son as well._

_12\. Having characters fated to mate for life may sound romantic on the surface, but it removes character agency (the ability of characters to make choices for themselves and act on them). Some writers use the life-mate trope as a shortcut to get two characters together. This is almost always a bad idea. If it's not handled carefully, it can end up looking like forcing a character into an unwanted relationship. This is not romantic; it's coercive, and it's no way to depict a healthy relationship._

_13\. If you are going to make your character an Animagus, it should be for a compelling reason, not just so that she can hang out with the Marauders. Learning to be an Animagus takes a great deal of study and dedication. Only a few witches and wizards are able to do it. No one enters into it lightly, or without good reason. If it were easy, lots of people would do it._

_14\. Try to avoid major anachronisms (objects, ideas, and slang that do not belong to the time you are writing about). If you are setting your story during the Marauders' years at Hogwarts (1971-1978), for example, the characters would not own iPods, nor would they be familiar with your new favourite band. If you're not sure when something was invented, check the Wikipedia article for it. While we're on the subject, please remember that electronic devices_ do not work _at Hogwarts, and Dumbledore is not going to make an exception for your character's iPod._


	3. Glamour

_Meet me in the library before supper,_ the note said. 

When Maggie arrived, Madeleine was waiting for her at a corner table, away from the other students. 

"What are we doing?" whispered Maggie. 

Madeleine thumped a pile of dusty books down in front of her. "Research." 

Maggie sneezed. "How do we know what we're looking for?" 

"We don't," replied Madeleine. "So we'll start by brainstorming, just like we do when we're writing."(1) 

"All right." Maggie took out a blank piece of parchment, and wrote, _Marvola_ across the top. "What was her full name, again?" 

Madeleine groaned. "Marvola Arwen Raevyn Yvette Salazara Umekiko Elfynchyld. She tells it to everyone she meets." 

Maggie wrote down, _M.A.R.Y.S.U.E._ "What do we know about her?" 

Given the new girl's habit of explaining her life-story to everyone she met in somewhat alarming detail, Maggie and Madeleine knew quite a lot about her background. How much of it would be useful in dealing with her was yet to be discovered.(2) 

"We know she's You-Know-Who's daughter," said Madeleine. "At least, she says she is. She never pronounces his name right, though." 

Maggie nodded and carefully wrote, _Father: LV?_ on the parchment. She shivered, as she always did when she thought about the powerful Dark wizard. "So that must mean she's pure-blood, right? At least on her father's side." 

"I guess so," replied Madeleine. "But what about her mother's side? Half veela and half elf, she says, but I never saw a house-elf that looked anything like her."(3) 

Maggie giggled at that, writing down, _Mother: Veela/Elf_. "Maybe you should use that pairing for your next love scene." 

Madeleine made a face. "There's no way to make those ugly little beasts sexy." 

"Maybe there are other kinds of elves in America." Maggie wrote down, _elf breeds?_ and as an afterthought, she added, _raised in America._

"We also know her mother is dead," pointed out Madeleine, showing more delight than Maggie thought decent. "So she's not immortal." 

"You didn't really mean what you said before, did you?" Maggie's voice dropped to a whisper. "About killing her, I mean?" 

"I only meant I'd do whatever it took to deal with her," said Madeleine, not meeting Maggie's eyes. "Whatever is necessary." 

"OK," said Maggie doubtfully. She turned back to the parchment. "We know she has a special power that makes people act strange when they're around her."(4) 

"But only when she knows they're there," Madeleine pointed out. 

Maggie nodded and wrote, _projects unconscious(?) magical field._

"I wonder what her range is?" Madeleine pondered, running her finger down the spine of an age-darkened book. 

"It can't be far. You recovered as soon as she left the train compartment." 

"Hmmm ... yes. But maybe that was because she was distracted by those boys. She wasn't focussed on me anymore, so her power didn't hold." 

"The first thing we need to figure out," said Maggie, "is how to avoid falling under her spell. It's not a problem for me, so far, but if we're going to do anything about her, you need to be able to get close without being affected by her." 

"All right," replied Madeleine. "Protection spells and Shield charms all around." 

Maggie tapped the books thoughtfully. "It shouldn't be too hard to find an all-purpose protective charm." She wrote, _SHIELD CHARM_ in capital letters, then set the parchment aside and reached for a book. 

* * *

They were able to test their idea the following afternoon. It was warm for September, and many of the students were down by the lake, enjoying the pleasant weather. 

"There she is," murmured Maggie, spotting their quarry surrounded by sixth year Gryffindors. "Let's do this." 

She raised her wand and pointed it at Madeleine. " _Protegissimo_."(5) 

"OK," said Madeleine. "Let's find out how long that lasts." 

The two girls strolled as casually as they could manage past the place where Marvola sat entwined with a baffled-looking Remus. Maggie bit her lip and stopped to retie her trainers, while Madeleine stared innocently up at the sky, as if looking for a change in the weather. They waited for the Gryffindors to notice them. 

Peter saw them first. "Hey, Maddy," he called, smiling uncertainly. He looked utterly dejected and forlorn, sitting a few feet away from his friends, all of whom had their backs to him. 

Madeleine gave him a nod. "Hullo, Peter." 

Marvola turned at the sound of her voice. _Here it comes,_ thought Maggie. 

"omg MadZ!!!!!" she said, jumping up. "come sit with us!!!!! u no the marauderz?!!!??" 

"Slightly," Madeleine admitted, and Maggie let out a sigh of relief. The charm was working. 

Gryffindors were not fond of Slytherins as a rule, Peter notwithstanding. Madeleine hesitated before taking a seat near the group. Maggie joined her. 

"OMG!!!!!" cried Sirius. "She cant sit with us!!!!! She is a SlYtHeRiN!!!!! i hate those guys!!!!!" 

"OMG!!!!!" Marvola replied. "u hate her?!!!?? but she is my bff besides Lilz!!!!! U and her should totally get 2gether!!!!! u r both really HAWT!!!!! (lol no homo or n-e-thing MadZ is just totes SEXXXY!!!!!) u would have aMaZiNg HAWT SEXXX!!!!!!!"(6) 

"U really think so?!!!??" asked Lily Evans, a pretty red-haired girl, who was currently wrapped around James Potter. 

Marvola nodded. "Totally!!!!! Siri doesnt have a gf or n-e-thing does he?!!!?? ive got my Remi, and ur with James!!!!! Siri needs 2 b with sum1!!!!!"(7) 

"I'm sort of seeing someone," mumbled Madeleine. She glanced at Peter, and quickly looked away. An evil grin blossomed on her face. "Maybe you could set Black up with Maggie, here." 

"Who?!!!??" said Marvola, looking around. Her eyes briefly lit on Maggie. "O....... whatev ......." She quickly turned back to Madeleine. "ur seeing sum1?!!!?? If hes not as HAWT as Siri, u should totes dump his ass!!!!!" 

Madeleine was quickly losing patience. "Have you ever thought that maybe there's more to consider than whether or not someone is hot?" she asked tartly. 

"lol sure!!!!!" Marvola laughed. "They could b in a band or sumthing!!!!! OMFG!!!!!" She turned back to the three Marauders she could see. "U 3 should totes start a band!!!!! u could call urselves the Marauderz!!!!! Lilz n madz n me could b idk the Maraudettes!!!!! That would b TEH ROXXXOR!!!!!!!" 

"ToTaLlY!!!!!" said Lily and Madeleine in unison. 

Maggie's head snapped towards her friend and she noted that Madeleine's eyes had slipped out of focus. _Now we know how long the Shield charm lasts._ She leapt to her feet, smiling as politely as she could manage and grabbing Madeleine by the arm. "We have to go." She glanced regretfully at Remus before turning away. 

Maggie manhandled Madeleine back towards the castle. Fifteen paces from the Gryffindors, Madeleine stopped struggling and slumped against her. 

"Are you all right?" asked Maggie. 

"I think so. How long did it last? Were you paying attention?" 

Maggie nodded. "About five minutes, I think." 

Madeleine pursed her lips. "That's not going to be nearly long enough. And I bet if you use the Shield charm all the time, you start becoming resistant to it, just like anything else." 

"Too bad exposure to her doesn't seem to have the same effect," Maggie said bitterly. "Do you think they've had sex yet?" 

"I don't know," snapped Madeleine. "Probably. She doesn't look like the sort who could keep her kit on for more than five minutes, if she was alone with someone she fancied."(8) When she caught sight of her friend's crestfallen expression, she relented. "Don't worry about it. It's not as if he can only do it the one time. Once we get rid of her, you'll still have a chance." 

"As much chance as I ever did," Maggie muttered. 

* * *

Madeleine set down the book she had been reading with a thud and an exasperated sigh. "None of this stuff is any bloody use!" she declared. "You know what we need? They sell Protection amulets in Knockturn Alley. I think they're made out of --" 

"You've actually been there?!" Maggie looked horrified. "But that place is so dodgy. I heard that everything they sell is to do with Dark magic." 

"Stories!" Madeleine rolled her eyes in disgust. "They sell all kinds of useful things. Like Protection amulets. You could give one to Lupin." 

Maggie hesitated. "Maybe. If we can't find anything else that works." 

"We haven't yet," said Madeleine. "We've been at it all afternoon, and what have we learned?" 

"More than we knew when we started," Maggie said defensively. 

Madeleine rolled her eyes again. "None of it any bloody use." 

"Let's go over it again anyway," Maggie suggested. "Maybe it will help us think of something." 

Madeleine picked up their notes and began to read over them. "We know that veela have a powerful magical influence over people who are attracted to their gender, often causing them to act in ways they never normally would." 

Maggie nodded. "And there was the bit about the elves. What kind of elf did we decide she was, again?" 

"Tolkienian," Madeleine said. "They're supposed to be really good-looking, and live a really long time, as well as being attuned to the earth." She sighed. "The veela part could maybe explain her powers, but the book didn't say anything about their influence making people talk funny." 

"Maybe it's like potions," Maggie suggested. "Two ingredients might be harmless on their own, but volatile when they're combined." She jumped up and ducked around the shelves. Madeleine could hear her voice, slightly muffled, saying, "I thought I saw it over here the other day --" 

She reappeared moments later, dusty but triumphant, with a large tome clasped to her chest. She dropped it in front of Madeleine with a thud. 

" _Mixed Blood: A Guide to Magical Crossbreeds_ ," Madeleine read from the cover. Raising her eyebrows, she opened the book and quickly found the Beings section. 

"I think they're listed alphabetically," said Maggie. "Veela would be near the end." 

The chapter on veela was long, and the print was small. The author had painstakingly listed the appearance and magical traits of every kind of being when crossed with a veela. 

"Oh, here we are!" cried Madeleine. "' _When crossed with the Tolkienian elf, the veela's powers are enhanced, creating a powerful glamour field, and even the normally diluting influence of human blood cannot change this outcome. The veela-elf crossbreed is therefore considered to be highly dangerous to humans, Muggle and Wizard alike. The influence of such a creature can cause aberrations in behaviour patterns, including modes of speech. Such beings should be avoided whenever possible, since there is no known protection against them._ '" 

"Does that mean complete isolation is the only solution?" asked Maggie despairingly. "How do we manage that?" 

"We can't." Madeleine's smile sent a shiver up Maggie's spine. "There's no choice. It's self-defence. We _have_ to kill her." 

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1\. Brainstorming is a great way to come up with ideas and make connections between them, and not only for fanfic, as Madeleine points out. Brainstorming with a writing buddy can be a lot of fun, and often spawns additional plot bunnies. Carrying a notebook to jot down ideas as they occur to you can also be helpful._

_2\. Revealing facts about a character's background, personality, and appearance is called "exposition", and there are good and bad ways of doing it. Good exposition tends to involve mentioning these things gradually, when they become relevant to the story, or finding a way to bring them up naturally in the dialogue. These facts should not be presented in a lump the first time one meets the character, just as one does not learn everything about a person the first time one meets them._

_3\. The only elves in the_ Harry Potter _canon are house-elves. If you describe your character as "part elf", your readers are going to have a good giggle over an imagined resemblance to Dobby, when maybe you had someone more like Lee Pace or Evangeline Lilly in mind._

_4\. Making characters act in a way they do not act in the books is referred to as "out of character" (OOC). Readers don't tend to like it when this happens. We love the Potterverse characters for a reason, so it's a good idea to at least try to have them think and act similarly to the way they do in canon._

_5\. Making up spells is a tricky business. J. K. Rowling writes her spells in a sort of pseudo-Latin, and it can be a good idea to keep this in mind when writing your own. Most people don't know much Latin, but you can get a good idea of how it ought to sound by looking at the spells in the books. There may already be a spell for what you want to do, so be sure to check the_ Harry Potter _Lexicon or Wiki first._

_6\. Physical attraction is not the only or best basis for a romantic relationship, nor does dislike tend to turn into hot sex, followed by true love, in real life. Writing steamy sex scenes can take some skill, but writing a believable love story between characters who have good chemistry is harder than one might think. True love takes hard work and compromise, even after the hot, steamy sex._

_7\. Not every character in a story needs to be paired off. A character can have other goals and interests apart from romance. Some characters may not be interested in sex (asexual) or romance (aromantic) at all._

_8\. Being judgmental of a girl or woman for being (or even seeming to be) sexually active is called slut-shaming. It is always sexist and it is never a good thing to do. There is nothing wrong with someone dating or kissing more than one person, even over a short time. A person's body and what they choose to do with it is no one's business but their own. Try to avoid slut-shaming in real life and in your stories. It does not make you look morally superior; just judgmental._


	4. The D.R.E.C.

Headmaster Dumbledore raised his eyes from the heavy leatherbound tome on his desk and regarded Maggie gravely. 

"Do you see what I mean, Sir?" Maggie asked, trying to keep the nervous quaver from her voice. She had never been to the headmaster's office before, nor had he given her more than a passing word of greeting during her first three years at Hogwarts. It had taken all the nerve she had to go to Professor Flitwick, the head of Ravenclaw House, to ask if he might arrange for her to speak with the headmaster, but she could not sit by and watch the circumstances spiral even further beyond her control. 

Dumbledore glanced down at the open page before him again, then closed the book with a sigh. "I do see, Miss Lewis," he said. "I had hoped that such reports were merely an exaggeration, but from what you describe, the situation may be untenable. If Miss Elfynchyld had posed only an occasional distraction -- but you believe that her presence may constitute a danger to other students?" 

Maggie twisted her fingers in her lap. "I don't know about 'danger', Sir, but being around her affects people. They don't even notice they're behaving strangely. I'm really worried about Maddy. And -- and Remus. The other Gryffindors, I mean. She spends a lot of time with them. It says -- in the book -- about a powerful influence --" Maggie broke off, unsure how to make Dumbledore understand her concerns without getting Madeleine or Remus into trouble. 

The headmaster shook his head. "Influence can be dangerous. Especially influence as powerful as you describe. That she seems completely oblivious to the power she wields --" He sighed again. "I had hoped to give Miss Elfynchyld a fair and equal opportunity to make a place for herself at Hogwarts. It is not the first time I have made such allowance for a student others might consider dangerous. But if her presence compromises the judgement of others -- I have the safety of the rest of the student body and the staff to consider." 

"Is there anything I can do to help, Sir?" Maggie asked timidly. 

Dumbledore considered for a moment. "Keep a close eye on your friends. If a potentially dangerous situation arises, I believe you are proficient in enough Defensive magic to forestall a mishap until help arrives?" 

Maggie nodded, gripping her wand in the pocket of her robes. Disarming and Stunning were not difficult magic, and would give her the time she needed to summon an adult. 

"You mentioned being particularly worried about your friend, Miss Yaxley," Dumbledore continued. "She is not one of Miss Elfynchyld's inner circle, as far as I am aware. Do you have some reason to believe that she might be in particular danger?" 

"No," Maggie said quickly. It was not precisely a lie. _It's Marvola who's in danger from her._ She could not tell the headmaster that without getting her friend into trouble, though. _Maddy wouldn't really hurt her,_ she tried to tell herself. But if she could not convince herself it was the truth, then how could she convince Dumbledore? 

The headmaster pursed his lips and Maggie looked away, unable to meet those shrewd blue eyes. At last he spoke. 

"There is only one thing I can do, should the situation become critical," he warned her. "I do not like to do it, since it means bringing the Ministry of Magic into Hogwarts affairs. That is a circumstance I prefer to avoid. However, your observations and those of a few of the staff seem to back up the information presented in this book. I shall keep my eye on Miss Elfynchyld, but I cannot be everywhere at once, so I must ask you to do the same. If a situation arises which is beyond your abilities to manage, send word to me immediately, and I shall take whatever steps seem appropriate." 

Maggie attempted a wavering smile. "I will. Thank you, Sir." 

* * *

If she had not happened to glance out a window into the grounds as she was returning to Ravenclaw tower after her meeting with Dumbledore, things might have turned out very differently. As it was, she did see the two figures strolling across the Hogwarts grounds towards the Forbidden Forest, dark heads bent together in conversation. The pair looked innocent enough, but Maggie experienced a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. Her arm shot out to grasp the sleeve of a passing student. 

"Go to Dumbledore," she commanded with unusual authority. "Say I sent you, and that he should contact his people right away. Tell them to go to the Forbidden Forest. Do it now." 

Peter Pettigrew's brow furrowed as he puzzled at the hand gripping his sleeve, then he raised his eyes to peer over her shoulder. "Where's Maddy going with Marvola?" he asked. 

"That's what I'm going to find out," she said tersely. "Get Dumbledore. _Now._ " She turned and sprinted down the corridor. 

* * *

Maggie reached the Forbidden Forest at a dead run, panting and clutching at a stitch in her side. She was desperately worried that she was already too late, but luck was with her. Not far beyond the Whomping Willow, Marvola lay curled and panting in a clearing, muttering "omgomgomgomgomg," over and over again. Madeleine stood over her, wand in hand and a look of grim satisfaction on her face. 

"What are you doing, Maddy?" Maggie asked warily. Her hand inched towards her own wand pocket. 

"Maggie!" Madeleine greeted her with a smile like sweet poison. "How perfectly lovely of you to join us. Not that I need an audience, but it's always nice to have one, isn't it? How would you like to be able to see Thestrals?" 

"OMG!!!!!!!" squealed Marvola, catching sight of Maggie. "MAKE HER STOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!" 

"Shut it, you!" shouted Madeleine. " _Crucio!_ " 

Marvola's scream seemed to go on and on, tearing at the air and at Maggie's horrified ears. She could feel it echoing in her bones as the girl writhed in agony on the ground. Madeleine only laughed. 

Maggie whipped out her own wand and pointed it at her friend. " _Expelliarmus!_ " 

The wand went flying, but Madeleine Yaxley had reflexes like lightning, and she managed to grab it before it flew out of reach. 

"What are you playing at?!" she yelled. "You hate this vermin as much as I do!" 

"What am _I_ playing at?" said Maggie in disbelief. "Maddy, that was an Unforgivable Curse you just did! No one deserves that. Do you want to go to Azkaban?" 

Madeleine laughed again. "Unforgivable Curses only count if you use them against humans, and you know it. That _thing_ isn't human." 

"It's still wrong to hurt her." Maggie tried to sound commanding, but her voice wavered, and she was very afraid that she might start crying. "You know the Shield charm wears off after a few minutes. Then she'll get away and tell everyone what you've done." 

Madeleine smiled nastily and tapped at something strung on a cord about her neck. "I have all the protection I need." 

Maggie swallowed. The amulet looked disconcertingly like the finger bones of a child. _She's gone too far,_ she thought in despair. _I'll never be able to reason with her now. I've lost her._

The crunch of hasty footsteps on the first leaves of autumn made both girls turn their heads. Peter Pettigrew appeared at the edge of the clearing, looking uncertain. 

"Maggie? I told Dumbledore what you said." Then, "Maddy, what're you doing with Marvola?" 

"Never you mind, Peter-my-love," she purred, the tip of her tongue flicking over her lips. "I'm just doing a little pest control. Be a good boy and trot back up to the school. You ought to thank me. By tonight there'll be one less Gryffindor to look down on you. If she ever looked at you at all." 

Madeleine turned back to where she had left the elf-girl lying. "Shit! Where's she gone?" 

The three looked around nervously. Even Peter had his wand out now. Marvola was nowhere in sight. 

A laugh like the peal of silver bells made them all look up. The elf-girl was standing on a stout tree limb, high above their heads. 

She raised her empty hands and shouted, " _Forcefieldius!_ " Purple lightning bolts shot from the palms of her hands, and the three students found themselves trapped inside a bubble of shimmering purple light. 

"What kind of spell was that?!" squeaked Maggie. 

"It's elf-magic," Peter told her. "For some reason, even though they could if they wanted to, veela-elf crosses refuse to use Wizarding spell forms." 

Madeleine stared at him in disbelief. "And you know that how, exactly?" 

"What? You think you're the only ones who can do research?" Peter grinned at the two girls, and Maggie saw that he had a charming smile when he had the confidence to back it up. 

By this time, Marvola had levitated herself back to the ground, and stood, arms folded and eyes narrowed, staring at her captives. "MaDz, I thought we were bffs!!!!! U have betrayed me soooooo bad!!!!! y would u want 2 hang out with ugly, stupid, boring traitors when u could hang out with me?!!!?? ur not as kewl as I thought u were!!!!! Ur going 2 have 2 work xtra hard 2 win back my friendship!!!!!" 

"Who is she calling a traitor?" Maggie wondered.(1) 

Peter shrugged. "I dunno. She calls me one every time I manage to make her see me. But watch this." 

He casually turned away and began to move ever-so-slowly towards the wall of the purple bubble. All of Marvola's attention was focussed on Madeleine, and the instant Peter passed out of her field of vision, he was able to duck through the sparkling forcefield. He circled around behind the girl. 

"Go back up to the castle, Peter," Madeleine hissed between clenched teeth. "She's too powerful for you to deal with alone." 

"Who is Peter?!!!??" asked Marvola. 

Peter leaned over to whisper in her ear. "I am." 

Marvola whirled around to face him. She had no trouble seeing him with his wand pointed directly at her face. 

"AND WHO THE H-E-Double-Hockey-Stix R U?!!!??!!" she sneered. 

Peter's grin turned nasty. "My name is Peter Pettigrew," he spat back at her. "And I am a _fucking Marauder_! _Suethorius!_ "(2) 

The girl screeched as white light engulfed her. Maggie and Madeleine shielded their eyes. When their vision cleared, the forcefield which had contained them was gone, and Marvola -- 

"Why," exclaimed Maggie, "she looks perfectly ordinary!" 

The girl who stared back at them in terror, hands pressed over her mouth, was a little shorter and a little younger than Madeleine. She had brown hair in a messy ponytail, and gray-blue eyes. Her face bore several spots, and her figure was not as slim as it had been. 

The girl lowered her hands, revealing teeth bound with metal wires, and whimpered, "wut r u going 2 do with me now r u going 2 kill me i promise i will go home if u let me go n dont hurt me i never meant 2 hurt n-e-1 i just wanted remi 2 luv me n every1 2 think i was kewl" 

"What is she babbling about?" sneered Madeleine. "I can hardly understand her." 

Maggie turned to Peter in awe. "Where did you find that spell? I thought there was no known protection against them." 

The tips of Peter's ears and nose turned pink. "Your book must've been out of date." 

"That was really stupid, Peter," Madeleine said angrily, not taking her eyes or wand off the frightened girl. "You could have been killed. Don't you know these things are dangerous?" 

Peter's face fell. 

"It's all right, Peter," Maggie said, patting his arm. "Maddy was just scared because she really likes --" 

"To deal with things myself!" Madeleine snapped. "I knew you would bollox up my plan. Which you did. And you, Miss Ravenclaw, can just keep your mouth shut about things that aren't your concern!" 

"What happens now?" Peter asked nervously. 

"Now," Madeleine said, "we kill her." 

"What?!" cried Peter. 

Maggie stepped in front of Madeleine's wand, shielding the girl with her body. "No." 

"nonononononono" cried Marvola, falling to her knees and throwing her arms over her head. "please dont let her kill me just let me go home n i promise ill leave u all alone n never come back 2 hogwartz again i just want 2 go home 2 cali n see my friends again i promise ill never do n-e magik n ill leave remi alone 4eva n eva n ill never say ur not kewl again pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease dont kill me" 

Maggie ground her teeth at the mention of Remus. "You had sex with him," she accused. "You treated him like some kind of Chocolate Frog card for your collection, and the fact that he was a virgin was of no more interest to you than the Chocolate Frog once you'd had it. And he couldn't say 'no' because he wasn't himself around you. You messed with his head. You mess with everyone's head and you don't even care. You --" She broke off, willing herself not to cry. 

Marvola looked surprised. "u think im a slut?" she asked in disbelief. "cuz im not i never had sex with remi i just like 2 get the boyz all hot 4 me then tell them no because i have good morals but i was totally going 2 have sex with remi someday because i think his quidditch honed muscles r really hawt" 

Peter looked puzzled. "Quidditch-honed muscles? Remus doesn't even play Quidditch." 

Maggie barely heard him. "Good morals?" she cried in disbelief. "You're cruel to everyone you don't think is cool enough to be worthy of your attention. You mess with people's heads in order to make them like you. Explain to me how that qualifies as 'good morals'. You're mean and you're manipulative, Marvola. Nobody likes that, and nobody likes _you_."(3) 

At Maggie's pronouncement, the girl collapsed into a sobbing heap on the ground at their feet. 

"Now can we kill her?" Madeleine asked impatiently. 

"No, Maddy. No one's killing anyone." 

"Why not?" Madeleine glared at Marvola's whimpering form. 

Maggie straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath. "Because I won't let you. She has the right to exist." 

Madeleine's eyes rose to her friend's face in disbelief. "You won't _let_ me?! And how, pray tell, do you intend to stop me?" 

Maggie's hands curled into fists. She would not back down. "I -- I'll tell the headmaster. And the Ministry," she said with more conviction than she felt. "You'd be put on trial. She may not be entirely human, but she's still a person -- a being. My dad works at the Ministry. He helps make new laws. I'll get him to make a new law that sends people to Azkaban for life if they kill a being!" 

Madeleine stared at her. "You're joking." 

Maggie folded her arms across her chest and stared right back. "You have no idea what I would or wouldn't do, Madeleine Yaxley." 

"This is silly," Peter pleaded. "Maddy, Maggie's right; killing Marvola would be a really, really bad idea." 

"Fine, we won't kill her," snapped Madeleine. Her sly grin returned. "We'll deliver her to her 'father' and watch while _he_ sorts her out. That ought to be fun." 

Maggie shuddered. Any mention of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named always sent a chill down her spine. "Don't even joke about that, Maddy." 

"What do you suggest we do?" Madeleine sneered. "Give her our best wishes and a bag of Fizzing Whizbees and send her on her merry way? I think not!" 

"We wait," Maggie said. "Help is coming, and she's no threat to us now." 

"Until her magic returns," Peter muttered under his breath. 

"Until -- _what_?!" Madeleine cried. "Oh, that's just brilliant, Peter! Are you telling me that this spell isn't permanent?" 

Peter looked at her like she had grown a second head. "Of course it's not permanent. You think I have that kind of power? That I could just strip someone of their magic with a word?"(4) 

"How long does it last?" Maggie asked warily. 

"I dunno. This is the first time I've used it." 

"Well, what did the book say that you found it in?" asked Madeleine, exasperated. 

"I -- er -- didn't get it from a book." Peter blushed furiously. 

"Then where --?" began Maggie. 

"Why don't you tell them, Son?" inquired a voice at the edge of the clearing. 

The three teenagers jumped in surprise and spun around, wands at the ready. 

A man stood beneath the trees, watching them. He had a long face that looked as though it was not surprised by much. The collar of his light brown robes was turned up, and he wore a brown wide-brimmed hat tilted forward over shrewd dark eyes which seemed to be weighing and evaluating each of them in turn. Between the fingers of one hand, he casually held a Muggle cigarette. The other hand was in his pocket, but they could see that it gripped a wand. 

Peter took a step back. "Who --? Tell them w-what, Sir?" 

"You might as well," the man said, not unkindly. "Chances are, they've already figured it out." He came closer and crouched down to inspect the fallen girl briefly. 

Maggie and Madeleine looked curiously at Peter. He blushed deeper than before and looked down at his toes. 

"I made the spell up myself," he mumbled. 

Madeleine's eyebrows shot up and Maggie gasped. 

"That was a swell piece of magic, kid," said the stranger. "It's no easy thing to break a veela-elf glamour, even for a moment. What's your name, Son?" 

Peter glanced up shyly. "Peter. Peter Pettigrew, Sir." 

"Have you given any thought to a career with the Ministry, Pettigrew?" the man asked. "We could sure use a man of your talents." 

Stunned by this unaccustomed praise, Peter stammered, "I -- no! That is -- Sir -- I mean -- thank you!" 

The man's smile was somehow more in his eyes than his mouth, and was only visible for the briefest instant. 

Madeleine glared at him. "Who the hell are you?" 

The man touched the brim of his hat. "Special Agent Sam Humphries, D.R.E.C., at your service, Blue-Eyes." He turned back to Peter. "I'm 'Boggart' to my friends. Here's my card." 

Peter took the small trapezoid of parchment from him, and read, "Department for the Rehabilitation of Excruciating Characters." He looked back up at Special Agent Humphries. "What do you do? And -- why do they call you 'Boggart'?" 

The smile flashed again briefly. He ignored the first question, but answered the second staring straight at Madeleine. "Because they say I can scare anyone. Even you, Blue-Eyes." 

"How did you know where to find us?" Madeleine demanded, casting a suspicious glance at Maggie. 

"It may be I was already in the area and just happened to drop by. Or it may be that someone told me I might find something of interest here." 

"I told Dumbledore to send for you," Peter said proudly. 

"Only after I told you to," Maggie reminded him. "You're not going to hurt her, are you, Sir?" she asked Humphries. 

"She's not looking at all well," Peter added, peering down at the girl on the ground. 

Marvola was curled into a ball, eyes shut tight. Her face was pale, and had taken on a greenish tinge. Every now and then she would whimper or mutter something unintelligible, but that was all. She took no notice of the four people discussing her fate nearby. 

Madeleine snorted. "You lot are the biggest bunch of pansies I have ever met in my life. I've had enough. Do whatever you're going to do with that thing, and be done with it. It looks like it might die soon, anyway." With that, she turned and flounced off towards the castle. 

"Nah, she's all right," Humphries said, prodding the girl with the toe of his shoe. "Veela-elves need regular doses of sugar to keep them going. This one looks like she hasn't had any in a while. Watch this."(5) 

He drew a small bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans from his pocket and shook it near Marvola's ear. Her eyes popped open and her hand shot up to grab the bag. She sat up and began shoveling the sweets into her mouth without seeming to notice the flavours. Maggie went slightly green when she saw the girl pop a fish-flavoured bean and a peppermint one into her mouth at the same time. To distract herself from the spectacle, she turned back to Humphries, who was securing some kind of forcefield around the oblivious girl. 

"What exactly do you do at the Department for the Rehabilitation of Excruciating Characters?" she asked pointedly. "Are you going to hurt her?" 

"She'll live," Humphries replied curtly. "But she's dangerous. Non-human beings generally are. She'll have to be confined and kept under controlled conditions until she can be 'edited', and she'll be dosed with kanon tonic to regulate her appearance. Mrs Humphries didn't raise any children dippy enough to be fooled by looks." 

"Does editing hurt?" asked Maggie, glancing at the girl and then quickly averting her eyes again when she poured the last dozen or so beans directly into her mouth and began to chew blissfully. 

Humphries' brow furrowed. "It's no ticket to the Quidditch," he admitted. "And it can take a long time. You kids know what a Dementor is? Well, you don't need to hear about that. You won't find 'editing' or 'kanon' in any of your fancy textbooks, either, so don't bother looking." 

Maggie and Peter reluctantly agreed to leave the matter in the hands of the Ministry. But before Humphries left with Marvola, he had one more thing to say to them. 

"You keep an eye on that friend of yours," he said, inclining his head in the direction that Madeleine had gone. "She used the Cruciatus curse on this one, didn't she?" 

Maggie shrugged, but refused to meet his eyes. 

"Well, that's not my department," he continued dismissively. "But I will say this: sometimes, once they try an Unforgivable, they get a taste for it, if you take my meaning. Keep a sharp eye out, and don't be too trusting. You kids understand me?" 

Peter went pale, but Maggie nodded, jaw set in resolve. "We'll be careful, Sir." 

He crooked his finger under her chin, making her look up at him. "You're a good man, Sister," he informed her. Then he turned to Peter. "Look me up next time you're at the Ministry, Pettigrew. I'll show you around the Department." 

Maggie and Peter watched as he levitated the girl, containment field and all, and headed across the castle grounds towards Hogsmeade. As he disappeared through the school's gates, Maggie tried to shake the sense of worry that clung to her. 

"I wonder if we'll ever see her again." 

Peter shuddered. "If it's all the same to you, I think I'd rather not." 

* * *

It took Maggie a few days to find the courage to face Madeleine after everything that had happened in the Forbidden Forest. Finally, she steeled herself to ambush the older girl in the dungeons between classes. 

"Maddy!" Maggie greeted her with as cheerful a smile as she could muster. "Want to get together for a brainstorming session after supper tonight?" 

In answer, Madeleine grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the empty Potions classroom. 

"You think I'm just going to forget what you did, Ravenclaw?" she hissed. "I had things well under control, and you had to go barging in, and drag Peter along with you!" 

"I'm sorry," said Maggie. "But I couldn't let you --" 

"Let me what? Have a little fun for once? You think anyone would have missed her? You can already see that they don't. They barely even remember she was here, and it's only been three days. It was all just a dream to them." 

"But it's wrong, Maddy," Maggie insisted. "You can't just go around killing people who --" 

"She wasn't people," Madeleine said coldly. "She was a thing. Maybe now you'll understand why it's so important to keep your blood pure and not go mixing with mudbloods and Muggles." 

"Maddy!" cried Maggie, shocked. "You shouldn't say things like that. Can't we just carry on writing --?" 

"Not a chance, Ravenclaw," Madeleine laughed. "You can write your own pathetic stories from now on. I'm done with it, and I'm done with silly little half-blood children who waste all their time daydreaming instead of doing the things they daydream about. The only way you'll ever have Lupin is at the tip of your quill and in your pitiful little dreams. He's a bloody poof! Haven't you figured that out yet?" 

"You're just trying to hurt me," said Maggie, fighting back tears. "Just because you can't admit how you feel about Peter, and because I saw what you did to Marvola." 

Madeleine's wand was in her hand before Maggie could blink. She never heard the word her former friend said, but she felt the cold, invisible fingers tighten around her throat. She gasped, but no air came into her lungs. 

"Now, you listen to me." Madeleine's face was very close to hers. She was smiling. "You keep your ideas about Peter to yourself. You are never to speak to him or to me again. Ever. Understand?" 

Maggie tried to nod. Black spots and bright flashes crowded the edges of her vision. 

"And as for what may or may not have happened in the Forbidden Forest around the time Marvola left, you are never to speak to anyone about that, or you'll get the same as she did." 

When Maggie came to, she was alone in the Potions classroom.(6) 

* * *

**FOOTNOTES:**

_1\. Your character should not already know everything about the other characters, including what they will do in the future. Your character's opinion of a person should be based on what she has observed for herself up to that point in the story. It makes no sense for someone to call teenage!Peter a traitor, because he hasn't betrayed anyone yet._

_2\. However, just because I suggest that you shouldn't ignore or be excessively cruel to Peter doesn't mean you can't have him do nasty things every now and then. After all, most of us do._

_3\. Some people make the mistake of thinking that having sex makes one a bad person, while abstaining from sex makes one good, but that's not true. Being a good person involves respecting the boundaries and feelings of others. One can be a good person whether one chooses to be sexually active or not._

_4\. It's good to be aware of each character's magical abilities. The whole reason children in the Wizarding world attend Hogwarts is to learn to control and strengthen their magic, as well as learning progressively more difficult spells. Having magic does not mean knowing how to use it or being powerful enough to do anything one wants. In the Wizarding world most things are just as complicated to do by magic as they are by Muggle means. A fifteen-year-old wizard of average skill is not going to be able to inflict irreversible damage on another person._

_5\. Sugar, like drugs, alcohol, and lack of sleep, may inspire you to write some things which seem like good ideas at the time, but you might want to give them a reread once you are sober and/or well-rested, before posting them for a larger audience than your close circle of friends._

_6\. A good story does not need to end happily for all, or indeed any, of its characters. As long as the conclusion makes sense and satisfies all the important plotlines of the story, that is enough._


End file.
